[30 Jul 2011|03:18pm]
i can't believe how i used to write almost every day, and now it is almost never! life has been so busy. i hear people say how they are bored, i wonder what that must feel like.

i went to grooming school and have been grooming nights and weekends. it has been really great, except today, when somebody brought in a horribly matted golden retriever. i had to turn him away. it made me upset to hand the leash back to him.

reading past entries and it makes me sad. i wish i could give myself a hug, i didn't deserve any of that stuff.

i'm 5 months pregnant, i can't believe it. feels weird to say. Craig felt him for the first time the other day, he pulled his hand back and screamed, haha. it was so funny. (:

i'm so glad these days that i moved from that place. it feels like truly Craig saved my life. my mom wrote me a horrible e-mail saying she is moving and not to call her or e-mail her anymore. i was so worried and scared to call or e-mail since she requested i don't.. i sent my brother a facebook asking him what was going on and he never answered me. i was so worried and nobody would talk to me. i finally called my dad and he told me her and Ed had a huge fight and she claimed she took a bunch of pills to try to kill herself. he called an ambulance and had her stomach pumped, which they discovered was empty. Ed made her go to a rehab place where she would stay for a year. She made it 2 days and left. And I suppose she never felt the need to call me or anything to tell me about the e-mail or explain anything. just send me something like that and then forget to say everything is back to normal. well, thanks mom, and everybody for that matter. i wish they'd just leave me out of it. and if they can't manage that, then at least keep me informed about the details so I'm not left here wondering.

i have lots to write about, actually, and was super motivated last night and early this morning to get some feelings written down but i feel pretty tired and upset about that poor dog. i'll try writing more, reading my past entires really motivates me to.

overall, my life has been completely wonderful. i am so happy, i love craig so much. we are married and i am so thrilled with everything. i never thought i would find somebody who could put up with me. i am a little crazy afterall you know :D but he does, he loves me, and he's with me for better or worse. finally.

i'll try to write a bit tomorrow. (: althought i'm sure i am only talking to myself at this point.. haha.
1 star shine ;&glitter my world

[23 Jul 2009|11:05am]
the more you do, the more you are prone to making a mistake.
therefore.. when you do EVERYTHING......... it's inevitable that there will be a mistake made somewhere.
glitter my world

[28 Jul 2008|09:13am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Lord.. I haven't updated since January.. really? Yikess. I didn't think that much happened in my life, but there are definately new changes going on!

It's kind of strange how nervous I was about my new friend. Haha. We hang out pretty much 3 days a week now. It's so much ufn. Last weekend we went and had sushi and went roller skating. I hadn't roller skated in years. It was really a blast from the past. There were all these young kids there and instead of doing limbo and hokey-pokey, they took off their skates and did something called "the cupid shuffle" which was some odd dance thing and craig so wisely mentioned it was probably just a creative way to get the kids to get their skates off and outta there. I agreed.

Work fired one a lady that worked back here with me around April. She had worked here over 20 years and went to high school with the owners/bosses. It was so strange. It was like.. wow. Anything can happen at anytime. It was really strange. I guess I should be lucky to have the job I have and to not be directly affected by the recession like most people are, but I've been here three years and have had not one friggin raise! I'd confront them about it, but with people not wanting to spend money it just doens't seem like the right time.

We moved to a new rented place the first of May. That was hell.. We were all so exhausted and tired and I was almost sure Kitty was going to die of a heart attack, but everything is so amazing now. It's unbelievable what more room can do for yourself and your relationship. It's exciting. We have a garage now and this really cute yard. Tomorrow, me and his mom are going to go and plant flowers and such. We have to mow our lawn, trim our bushes, and.. well... act like real people. haha! Nice.

I turned 22 on the 9th..! We went to this random restaurant all because they had escargot and I really wanted to try it. It was good, but nothing spectacular. Like chewy garlic. Meh. Then Craig took me on a shopping spree to the mall and picked out all my clothes.. and we went and grabbed sushi. (Sushi is love apparently) Haha.

I really will start updating more frequently..! I sort of forgot about this, but I really do love going back and reading through past entries so I have to start keeping up with this..!

All in all.. life is pretty well perfect. (:

glitter my world

[09 Jan 2008|05:09pm]
i remember one time a while back i told craig & his mom my favorite part of eating caviar was how you could still taste it in your blood.

hmm... god, i am strange.
glitter my world

[04 Oct 2007|05:05pm]

I just absolutely love it when all the elements are perfectly in sync and you feel somehow like you are looking at the world for the first time. The perfect song is on the radio, the sun hits the trees the perfect way, highlighting the greens and golds of the changing season, the road seems perfectly endless, the sky glows a perfectly pale blue hue as a flash of a bird soars high into the sky.. And my heart flutters, like on the tip of a dive on a rollercoaster, knowing you're ready to fall.. that anticipation, excitement, and a little bit of fear.. I can't stop the elated smile from emerging from my lips.

glitter my world

[30 Sep 2007|09:13am]

I am pretty frick fracking overwhelmed. We spent like.. a hundred million dollars the other day.  Craig's job is amzing. We have all this money and nothing to do with it!

We bought a new truck, which is very exciting. It is beautiful! So, yesterday, we got the truck and drove to fort wayne.. Went to Best Buy, bought a sweet GPS system. Dinked around in Petsmart (cuz really.. how can you pass up Petsmart?!!) Then wen tto Sam's Club.

Holy balls... We were there for at least an hour and a half. Packing up all kind of goodies (My favorite being a 3 pound huge container of cheese puffballs.. oh lord almighty!!! It is everything and more! <3)

SO, we go up to the line.. This is our first time at Sam's Club mind you, so we are complete n00bz. So, we're there, right, and she's ringing all the stuff up, and we're giddy and I'm excited and everything all great, then she says, "Is that card a Visa?" I go... Yes, that's right.

"We don't accpet Visa."

WTF?!! Who doesn't accept fucking Visa? What idiots! They are all, well, you can write a check.. But, in all reality, I won't have money until Monday when I get paid, but we didn't want to go another week without groceries. Ha! Anyway, we're all standing there like durrr.. with $300 worth of meat and foods in an overfilling cart. So, the solution we came up with was to apply for a blasted Sam's Club Credit Card, which is cool with me, since I am sort of not wanting to get a MasterCard/Discvoer. Maybe once Craig's credit goes up a tad from this car loan we will get one in his name..

BUT ANYHOO...... I was freakin' out hardcore like. I wanted to slap that cahsier with my Visa. I'm all.. I have moneey take itt...

*grumbles* Craig had to read this entry as I am typing it which makes me feel unbelievably weirded out and uncomfortable.. Stupid Craig.

Annnnyyywaayyysss... THEN we went to the Oyster Bar, which is now our restrautant of choice. Sure we blew $100 there, but holy shit it was amazing. I had oysters on the half shell, clam chowder that was simply .... unexplainable,  And then I got seared raw tuna.. UHGKJSLKDJfklS!!  Craig had oyster stew (which, again, was melt-in-your-mouth fantastic) and crab legs. Garrh. But, the best part was like.. the 12 beers on tap. 6 microwbrews frome verything that tasted lemony, chocolaty, coffee...y... It was just great. We got so loaded. The food took a while to come out, but, we were slamming different kinds of beers so it was all good. Then, we had a nice drive home in the truck..

Ahhh... So nice! It really was a fun/interesting/amazing day.

Oh, and, first week of Nov. we're going to Vegas to visit the family. Should be fun!

SNAPS.. I forgot to mention, that me and Craig must have a "give us free stuff!!!" aura surrounding us. One time at BK we ordered two sandwiches, just $1.20 sandwiches and such. They gave us $35 WORTH OF FOOD!! Haha, we drove off with like.. 4 whoppers, fries, chicken sandwiches.. I've also gotten free sodas multiple times.. I don't even order soda now kind of expecting to get one anyways. Oh, and we went to BK for breakfast yesterday morning and I swear.. I saw that iced mocha poster outside I go, Mmm. That sounds good. When we get in, we are still in line when a cashier person goes "Do either of you like Mocha? I made this on accident and just will throw it out if you don't take it." SCORE! So what if it's only like a $1 drink... free stuff is awesome and makes me happy.

BUT.. in the SAME day at the Oyster Bar we got a free beer too! "Sorry, I accidentally poured two.." Ah. It's just something about us.

2 star shines ;&glitter my world

[13 Jun 2007|09:55am]
Friends piss me off. I'm glad that I'm out of Vegas and away from certain people. I mean, true friends are the greatest. But, most people, especially girls, are crazy and dont want to be "friends" but just want to see you fail miserable and then pick up the scraps of your life and try to make it their own.

For those people, you deserve everything like throws at you. And it's funny that these people are surprised when their life is shit, everybody hates them, and they can't get a guy because their too skanky making guys have 0 respect for them after the first lay 5 minutes after they meet.

Yeah. I am talking about somebody specific. And, it shouldn't make me so pissed. I should have known from sooo long ago she was a cunt. Well, yeah, i did. But, it's surprising to me that anybody could be such a cold, heartless person. Especially to somebody who trusted them immensely. But, oh well. C'est la vie. Your loss.

Hope you enjoy your pathetic leeching life, bitch.
glitter my world

[11 Jun 2007|10:12am]
It’s hard goign from a sensitive, outspoken guy who will tell you every secret in his heart. to Craig, who is inwards and doesn’t speak his mind. It’s hard for me, being insecure, to guess and hope he cares abou tme. But, I’m just stpuid. Stupid I couldn’t see all the little things he does that are his ways of saying “I love you, you’re beautiful”

I feel bad. Well, not really bad. But, I went from one relationship to another in seriously a few hours. But that was because I was SO in love with this guy, it baffled me. I loved Craig beyond everything and never had even met him! Bahh..

Last night, he was going through CD’s, and on one he had every e-mail I sent him, note, picture. And he got pretty emotional and told me how much he loved me and how I meant to him. I know why I had to make that awful decision. For once I fainlly did something for myself.

It was SUCH shit when we first moved in with each other, but 100% of our relationship has been us living together.. So, it was only expected really. But OMG do I love him like no other.

We have these cute little games we play that like.. we don’t say anything we just start doing like nudging each other with our feett then it comes like a nudging war or something. It’s really weird I can’t explain it. but it’s so cute. And we walk around with our hands holding anywhere we go. We have so much fun.. and laugh and entertain each other. he’s my best friend andboyfriend in one! I’m lucky to have him. I’m not scared of losing him anymore. If you spend your whole time worrying about things that might or might not happen, you lose sight of the truly good things that are happening around you and it warps your mind.

I love Craig .. more than I thought was possible. I used to get so depressed it felt like my heart was cracking. The most physical pain inside my body I have ever felt. It’s like that now.. except completely reversed. My heart feels like BURSTING, it’s sooo full, it makes me skip or laugh for no reason. It almost hurts it’s soo full.Hmmm.. Lovelovelove.

Bah.. we also hired a new person to work full time that starts the 25th only I don thtink there is enough for a person to work full time. So, I hope they don’t cut our hours again, because I can’t do that again. Craig needs to find a job but nobody will hire him. I HATE living here!! I really do. But, everything is OK, long as Craig is by my side.
glitter my world

[11 Apr 2007|01:44pm]
5 things I wish I said but didn’t..

1. You are an awful & conceited person who only thinks of yourself.. and I hope you fail at everything you do.

2. I needed you more than anything, and you didn’t even consider my life when you decided to ruin yours.

3. Hey.. let’s hang out this Friday.

4. Take a look in the mirror, maybe then you’ll realize why everybody looks at your funny when you start talking about other people.

5. I’m sorry I broke your heart, sorry I abandoned you, sorry I led you on, but I’ll never be sorry for being a part of your life.
1 star shine ;&glitter my world

[16 Aug 2006|09:07pm]
somehow, someway, i survived getting 4 partially-bony impacted wisdom teeth cut out, and another tooth removed. but i'm not enjoying my survival ): i hurt. AGHHH and i'm sick of sleeping i dont think i'll ever sleep again in my life.. except right now, maybe, cuz it hurts too bad to be awake. ):

1 star shine ;&glitter my world

[02 Aug 2006|07:48pm]
Guys, I found the best thing. It's called Treasure Trooper. It's really really easy, I've made $40 so far and they sent a check to my house ! :D So if you're bored or something (like i do it at work) you can just sign up for this and do it everynow and then, it adds up. You get like 50 cents to a dollar, just click the free offers and press no to everything! Just make sure you have a spam e-mail to do it with, cuz, blarg, spammy ;p If you do sign up, please use my referral link.. :D Just give it a try, there isn't any obligations. (Jeez, I sound like an advertisement)

glitter my world

[12 Apr 2006|09:58pm]
well, my mom is getting divorced for the second time in four years. i knew this was going to happen, but i still wished it wouldn't. because i want my parents to be happy. because then maybe they will accept that i can be happy, instead of being upset that i'm doing fine. i keep listening to that mother, mother song by tracy bonham and laughing to myself because i can relate so well.

i've thought about continuing with my book, and do think i will finish it one day, when I have more strength.. and i will publish it.. even if it ends up costing ME money.. because i want it out there, i want my life out for everybody to read. because i know reading those books made me strong, and i want to pass it down. like a chainletter. even if it is terrible.

i feel a little empty. because i dont think there is enough love in this world to make me feel like i belong. or feel satisfied.

yeah, it's depressing. but . that is life.
2 star shines ;&glitter my world

[22 Mar 2006|02:47am]
im so afraid of dying
2 star shines ;&glitter my world

[05 Mar 2006|08:51pm]
y'know.. i don't really know what the hell to do anymore. it's like, when i'm at work, all i want is to be home. but when i'm home, all i want is to be at work. it shouldn't be like that. im sick of being ignored.

and tonite he told his parents that he doesn't think he should get a job because it's only a "status" position and he would only be bringing home $50 a week.. uhmm.. no he'd be bringin home a helluva lot more than that. and i can totally see why he wouldn't want to work, but to make up fucking excuses like that.. i want something out of my life. i don't want to be a fucking lazy ass like he is, i want a house and a real life and not stress about money.

it just pissed me off so bad.

i just.. am so angry i can't even begin to explain. he is such a jerk. a fucking immature jerk! he can't even get his lazy ass up to greet me when i come home.. because i know his day is so fucking hard.

im just pissed.
glitter my world

[07 Feb 2006|04:45am]
something is fucked up in my body & i wish i had insurance to get me fixed.
1 star shine ;&glitter my world

[08 Jan 2006|12:50pm]
gah. Lack of updates for sure.

Well... firstly, Merry Christmas everybody and Happy New Year, since I totally missed out on all that jazz.

Christmas I went to Florida.. which was sooo much fun, even if it was only for three nights. Christmas Eve everybody got loaded. I've got tons of really great pictures of that whole ordeal.. My favorite is me taking a shot of tequila in which I am desperately ramming a lime in my mouth, my eyes squeezed shut.. haha. I hhhattee tequila unless it's in a margarita! Also, a picture of Craig and his brother doing an "abercrombie pose" (from MadTV) holy crap is that a funny picture!!

It was a DS Christmas in which everybody got DSs. So we had three DSs and were playing mario kart with each other, drinking beer (CORONA BABY) and fishing off the dock in the backyard. (Yeah, close to paradise, I know).. when suddenly there's a bite on Craig's pole. He goes and reaches for the line, pulling it up, and there's a huge blue crap firmly gripping the line. Craig, in his drunken yet excited state, eagerly goes to "grab" this crab with two huge pinchers.. smart move! The crab quickly attaches BOTH pinchers to his thumb and forefinger, squeezing for dear life. Craig is laughing, though obviously in pain. "Get it off, get it off!" He's saying.. His brother is just starying at it, and I start hitting it with my empty beer bottle, which only infuriates the crab to pinch even harder. So now Craig is really not happy and isn't laughing, just staring blankly hunched over.. I yell to his brother, "Go get your mom!!!!!!" Freaking out and he runs into the house.. after a few minutes I'm like, "ILL GO GET SCISSORS!" and he says, "What are you going to do with THOSE?!" And I tell him I dont know and get even further freaked out.. Here comes his brother with plyers along with the whole family and he goes and tears off one of the crab's claws. The crab is like, 'fuck this" and finally lets go, Craig is bleeding and laughing and it's just a huge mess, but a great story however.

He caught two catfish (that he released), and a pipefish with his hands. He was very very happy.

We all went boating and I got sunburnt and discovered I get seasick reallly easily.. And I guess my pale face gave me away, because I was trying desperately to pretend I was okay so that they wouldn't head back just for me.. haha, but they saw I looked ready to faint or puke or both and we headed back anyways.

I had fresh oysters, shrimp, and FONDUE that Craig's brother made. It was all sooo good, I only wish I could have stayed longer.

Then, on New Year's, we got some beer, shrimp cocktail, and sausage and cheese to munch on while we just chilled out and drank. That was also pretty fun..

Now, I'm on that Low Carb diet.. It's really pretty easy, almost TOO easy. I'll see if it actually works later. But it's worth a try. I'm also going to start going for little walks, especially since it's starting to get warmer outside..

And that's an update and a half. Buahaha.
glitter my world

[19 Dec 2005|12:07am]
im so effing depressed it's ridiculous. my father.. .. well. he told my grandparents some elaborate lie that i so easily busted.

get this.. our conversation on the phone (after i was shocked at getting a hold of him which hasn't happened for weeks)

him: well, I canceled BOTH netzero and aol, i did. I called and everything, they just must not have put it in their computer.
me: Wow.. that's.. really bad luck, I think, that BOTH companies made the same error.. especially since I called up and cancelled and didn't have a problem with EITHER.
him: well.. well... you know what, shanna, I'm sick of your shit. I never want to talk to you again.

and that was it.


well, i don't have a father, really. i feel like an ass for sticking up for him, for trying to get my brother to end his on-going fued with him, but fuck him now. he can rot.


also, my cat frisbee died. the cat i've had since i was.. crap, i can't even remember. 4?? well. she died. i feel awful. i just dropped her off and abandonded her in some weird house and left.. and she died. worse, she died of a disease she caught from other cats. something that would so easily be fixed with one trip to the vet if caught early on. and she's dead.

i just feel like utter shit.
1 star shine ;&glitter my world

[10 Dec 2005|10:17am]
i guess i just saw my life going a lot differently. when i was little, thinking about where i would be when i was 'older'. this wasn't really it. which is okay, i guess.

but sometimes i feel like i'm staring right into the face of a huge, twisted nightmare that i cannot escape.

i just watched the movie 'little black book' and if anything it gave me newfound anxiety. what if that was me? what if i just fucked up my life? i need reassurance, and i know nobody will give it to me here.

my family is all fucked up, i can't even call my mom without her being drugged out and mummbling, my dad won't talk to me for longer than 5 minutes but i dont want to talk to his stealing self anyhow, and it seems like i am truly all alone here. truly.

and i dont know if that's good.. to be away from those people who showered me with fake love, or to be here, where i'm afraid ill never have any kind of love again.
2 star shines ;&glitter my world

[09 Dec 2005|09:00pm]
well, my grandparents ended up bailing my dad out yet again and gave me the $300 to save his ass from an affadavitz. (spellinnng?) which is fine with me. as long as my credit will be semi-saved..

craig got laid off.. which is slightly bad, being that there really is no work opportunities & im barely working full time myself.. but we will get by, i have faith.

ALSO... I went to wisconsin to meet his family and ah. good times, good times. that was one of the FIRST times I PASSED out from being drunk.. which wasn't making my head or tummy happy in the morning. but it was sooo much funn! i really like his family.. both sides now. ha. (:

THREE of his (male) family members spanked me on the ass! agh! it was such a riot! his grandpa says things like, "Cocksuckers" lmao which makes me giggle because he looks like such a cute lil man.

ahhh.. this life.

p.s.. snow.. lots.
glitter my world

[01 Dec 2005|02:53pm]
...i TOTALLY need some ben & jerry's, like... NOW!!!!!!

and p.s. it's snowing! WEE!

(yeah, i know i'm bipolar. so sue me!! I CAN'T HELP IT!)
1 star shine ;&glitter my world

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